Day 508 'one' last post

My Dearest Vicki

What can I say...I miss her. More than anyone can imagine. It is with utmost sadness that I post Victoria's last entry for her. I am nowhere near the author she was.

I have watched her fight this battle for over two years. She was the strongest person that I have ever met. She was always upbeat and positive, right to the end. I was there with her all the time. I went with to to the ER when she went. I went to her Dr's appointments when she went. I was with her at every chemo treatment she had. I helped her with her meds, with her food, with her infusion pump for her chemo. I helped her dress and I tried to make her feel better whenever I could. I loved her, and she knew it! I wish that there was more that I could have done for her.

Family matters most

There was only one Vicki on this earth, and somehow I was the lucky one that was matched up with her. She accomplished so much in her short life. I will be happy if I can do just a fraction of what she has done. Do a google search for her name sometime ...you might be surprised. She was always a person who wanted to do things for people, never asking for anything in return.

The last thing she gave was her eyes. They were donated to the Eye Bank of BC, probably the only thing that a person with cancer is able to donate. I received a thank you from Vancouver Hospital yesterday, they said Vicki's eyes would go to help two people.

 'one' amazing ladybug

On Thursday Dec. 1, Cindy and I were by Vicki's bed in the hospital and saw something amazing. On the bed beside her pillow was a ladybug. It was just sitting ther, and then moved down onto the bedframe below the head of her mattress. I took a picture with my phone. None of us could figure out how this ladybug got to be in her room, and onto her bed. Remember, we were on the fifth floor, there are no windows that open, you have to come into the hospital on the ground, go down the hall, up the elevator, and then down another hallway to reach her ward, through the doors and to the right, to the end of the hall and then left into her room. This was one amazing ladybug. Too bad it wasn't purple! Was there some kind of message here?

Ray and Vicki forever

Vicki went into the hospital on the afternoon of Sunday, November 27, and was there until she left us on Tuesday December 6, at about 9:50 PM. Crystal, Cindy and I were there holding her hands and in tears. It was a nice to finally see her out of pain. No words can describe what she meant to us.

I miss you Vicki, and we WILL  be together again. Pick a nice spot for us. Thanks.........Ray

Day 495 - 'one' late return..(even posted late)

Yes, that's what this is. I wonder if that is what google blogger will do for me just like the local library does.  Than I would owe around $9.00, sheesh, lazy bones eh?

As you can guess the last month has been a struggle with my health.  Days are spent trying out new drugs to help me deal with the pain, now that that has been figured out we are focusing in my digestive system that doesn't seem to be working.  Ah what fun.  Such an education I am getting figuring how everything works...yuck! There are days that I look 5 or 6 months preggers and then there's the old lady arms.  Boy I thought I had waggy arms before but these arms could now flag down a cop!  You wonder at times what you were complaining about. 

But you know everyone seems to have something to whine about.  Right now walking for me is only by walker, but as least I can do it.  Lifting objects is dangerous because everything seems to slip out of my hands.  We are hoping that with exercise that the muscles that I have not used for ahile will gain back there strength.  So the next time you wonder why your body is fighting all the things you love to do remember that tomorrow you may not be able to do it, yep, maybe!  Because for some, tomorrow it will not!

signed one purple ladybug trying to do the best she can.  It may not be monumental but I'm trying ;-) And with the help of my angels and that shall include my hubby who is and girls to purple ladybug sit with me and shall have confidence that they stand in front, beside and behind me every step of the way. 

NOTE: THIS WAS DRAFTED BY VICTORIA ON NOVEMBER 23, 2011, BUT SHE NEVER GOT IT UPLOADED. I POSTED IT FOR HER TODAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Day 486 - 'one' can feel like sinking...

Sneaking some yummy ice cream before
my plumbing backed up.

But somehow you manage to sail.  That's how the last couple weeks have felt.  It has been a blur of activity between hospital, nurses, doctors and adding more medications.  At times it's amazing what your body will endure but for sure I am glad I quit my chemo treatments when I did although it seems that I will blessed to have a rapid heart beat from here on in.

Well I suppose you want more explanation of where I've been for that last while...nosey.  Most of the time, I was in a bed and trying to get my pipes unplugged.  Now doesn't that sound exciting.  I had a few days of tummy pain that reminded me of what I had before my surgery.  I was starting to feel quite dehydrated and the pain was beginning to be unbearable.  So I made the decision to visit my favorite emergency ward in Ladner.  As usual, immediate attention and I had a curtained room within 15 minutes.  They had already prepped the room for the drugs I needed and their favorite word was 'stat'.  They communicated that I had made the right decision to come in.

My new resting spot. So nice to
be out of the bedroom

The next was the usual run of tests to see if I had a blockage in my tummy.  ECG, chest Xray, abdomen Xray, blood tests and CT scan. As luck would have it the surgeon who did the work on my belly was there and he told me that they are going to run some tests but he will be probably going to get me transported to Surrey memorial so that I was ready for surgery.  Yeah an ambulance ride and right to the place I trying to avoid.  I shouldn't complain though they treated me well when I was there.

I will try and keep the story short...they found no blockage, yeah, no ambulance, wahhh, but 3 days of trying to get my tummy cleared.  Nothing was working so we decided to visit my dr. on the way home and try to get some ideas.  First time I've been out and about in a wheel chair. 

They're packing Christmas goodie
boxes to be sent across the sea.

It's been a week now and I haven't eaten solid food in over 2 weeks.  I will not get on the scale until I am eating good solid food and I'm hoping that will come in the next few days.  Maybe by the weekend.  I think we've got the medications down right now, my 6 month prego tummy now looks about 5 months along.  I still rarely have a no-chuck-up day but we are still playing with solutions and potions to solve that.  I had so much sludge in my system that litterly the food would not go into my digestive system, the only way it had to go is back up into a bucket.  Sadly it's all routine now. 

Grandkids have all been to visit but I wanted to make sure they were prepared for what gramma's looks like now and that moving around is quite a chore. They all seemed OK, although you can see it hit the older ones a little more.  Ray said today he wants his pudgy Vicki back and I agree, FAT is in!!! LOL

It's been the first day I've able to sit up for a length of time. It sure feels good, oh...I knew that it would now, sure feels good.  And on a funny note, picture this old lady walking down the hallway in her bright red robe and on route I stumble and my head makes a bullseye thud to the closed bathroom door.  I think I will need the old safety helmet soon! LOL I can report no damage to the door or my ego.

Take good care of your body ya hear, without health you are helpless. ;-)

signed 'one' purple ladybug struggling rapid waters to stay afloat.

Day 475 - 'one' boring message

Even though I haven't done this blog for 5 days my life is so uneventful that I still don't think I have the words to write one...but I know my friends and family appreciate knowing what is going on. 

I've still be struggling with eating and yesterday I was so dizzy when we went grocery shopping I finally resigned myself to taking the steroids that the dr. suggested would help my appetite return.  We always think we can figure it out on our own but we also need to realize that when we have tried everything we know it's time get on with life and get help from others whether it be in words or perhaps in the crazy world of scientific medicine. So I began to take the steroids yesterday morning again and whether its psychological or ? I felt much better by the end of the day and was putting down quite a bit of food.  woohoo

Halloween was wonderful.  Both my girls did amazing displays in their yards and seeing all the kids in their costumes was soooooo much fun.  It was a calm and quiet Halloween with fireworks going on my neighbourhood for days.  I like the fireworks that are put on at events, I don't like the danger that fireworks bring to individuals putting on a show.  Scares the BEEP out of me.

I picked up another cane yesterday.  This one will stay in the truck and the other one in the house.  The strength in my legs seems to vanish when I crouch down.  I am finding myself get quite creative avoiding that position, poor Dudley has to reach a long way to give my those wonderful doggie kisses. LOL

looking at their loot and planning trades!

So far I am focusing on the natural remedies to make me feel better and try and ward of the monster in my body.  I feel so much better not being in chemo but my body is definitely struggling to recover or to fend of my intruder.  I wonder if there is a 'true' natural remedy for cancer.  There is so much information out there is impossible to determine if 'THIS' is the one, yes, this is the one that will cure me.  What I'm doing is focusing on the ones that give me strength and make me feel better, that will be my gauge right now.

hmmmmm....

In 8 weeks 2012 will be here.  How exciting is that?  Our brains will begin to decipher if 2011 was a good year or not and whether 2012 will even be more amazing.  I think looking forward is the best thing we can do.  Ponder perhaps over the lessons we have learned in 2011 but look forward to the future and the excitement it will bring to you in your life.  Especially now that you are taking the time to enjoy what all your hard work brings to your life.  You are doing that right? right? That is sitting down and just looking at your wonderful home, family and friends and how many amazing gifts you have been blessed with in your life.  You are doing that right? right? YES, I know you are! ;-)

signed 'one' purple ladybug wondering what else those wonderful steroids will do to me?  LOL

Day 469 - 'one' strange dream

Do you remember some of the dreams you used to have as a kid.  I remember I used to dream of flying.  I used to fly down our stairs and then out into an incredible sunny day.  Then I would notice that no one could see me, what a treat that was.  Flying from place to place listening to people's conversations.  There are times as an adult that I wish I could be a fly on the wall and listen to what other's lives are like...

Day 466 - 'one' suspiciously good day!

Working in my potting area

Yep that was yesterday, one suspiciously good day. Like I said I never know what a day will bring.  As I wrote my blog first thing in the morning the uncertainty of the day frustrated me, now you do know I like to have control of things right?  right? right?  I can't hear you? LOL...

Day 465 - 'one' frosty morning

Yep the frosty mornings have arrived.  That thin white coating of fuzz on the tops of the trees and neighbours rooftops as well.  I must go get the last of my lavender soon and get it planted in its new home before frost finds itself in the warm earth...